HanoverSquare（追忆似水年华）

Canitreallybesixty-twoyearsagothatIfirstsawyou?

Itistrulyalifetime，Iknow.ButasIgazeintoyoureyesnow，itseemslikeonlyyesterdaythatIfirstsawyou，inthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare

FromthemomentIsawyousmile，asyouopenedthedoorforthatyoungmotherandhernewbornbaby.Iknew.IknewthatIwantedtosharetherestofmylifewithyou

IstillthinkofhowfoolishImusthavelooked，asIgazedatyou，thatfirsttime.Irememberwatchingyouintently，asyoutookoffyourhatandlooselyshookyourshortdarkhairwithyourfingers.ingimmersedinyoureverydetail，asyoupcedyourhatonthetableandcuppedyourhandsaroundthehotcupoftea，gentlyblowingthesteamawaywithyourpoutedlips

Fromthatmoment，everythingseemedtomakeperfectsensetome.Thepeopleinthecaféandthebusystreetoutsidealldisappearedintoahazyblur.AllIcouldseewasyou

AllthroughmylifeIhaverelivedthatveryfirstday.Many，manytimesIhavesatandthoughtaboutthatthefirstday，andhowforafewfleetingmomentsIamthere，feelingagainwhatisliketoknowtruelovefortheveryfirsttime.ItpleasesmethatIcanstillhavethosefeelingsnowafterallthoseyears，andIknowIwillfortme

NotevenasIshookandtrembleduncontrolblyinthetrenches，etyourface.Iwouldsithuddledintothewetmud，terrified，asthehailsofbulletsandmortarscrasheddownaroundme.Iwouldclutchmyrifletightlytomyheart，andthinkagainofthatveryfirstdaywemet.Iwouldcryoutinfear，asthenoiseofwarbeatdownaroundme.But，asIthoughtofyouandsawyousmilingbackatme，everythingaesilent，andIwouldbewithyouagainforafewpreciousmoments，farfromthedeathanddestruction.ItwouldnotbeuntilIopenedmyeyesonceagain，thatIwouldseeandhearthecarnageofthewararoundme

Icannottellyouhowstrongmyloveforyouwasbackthen，whenIreturnedtoyouonleaveintheSeptember，feelingbattered，bruisedandfragile.WeheldeachothersotightIthoughtwewouldburst.IaskedyoutomarrymetheverysamedayandIwhoopedwithjoywhenyoulookeddeepintomyeyesandsaid“yes“tobeingmybride

I“mlookingatourweddingphotonow，theoneonourdressingtable，nexttoyourjewellerybox.Ithinkofhowyoungandinnocentwewerebackthen.IrememberbeingonthechurchstepsgrinninglikeaCheshirecat，whenyousaidhowdashingandhandsomeIlookedinmyuniform.Thephotoisoldandfadednow，butwhenIlookatit，Ionlyseethebrightvibrantcolorsofouryouth.Icanstillremembereverydetailoftheprettyweddingdressyourmothermadeforyou，withitsfinedelicateceandprettypearls.IfIconcentratehardenough，Icansmellthesweetnessofyourweddingbouquetasyouhelditsoosee

Irememberbeingsooverenjoyed，whenayearter，yougentlyheldmyhandtoyourwaistandwhisperedinmyearthatweweregoingtobeafamily

Iknowbothourchildrenloveyoudearly;theyareoutsidethedoornow，waiting

DoyourememberhowIpanickedlikeamadmanwhenJonathonwasborn?Icanstillpictureyouughingandsmilingatmenow，asIclumsilyheldhimfortheveryfirsttimeinmyarms.Iwatchedasyourughterfadedintotears，asIstaredathimandcriedmyowntearsofjoy

SarahandTomarrivedthismorningwithlittleTessie.Canyourememberhowwebothhuggedeachothertightlywhenwesawourtinygranddaughterforthefirsttime?Ican“tbelieveshewillbeeightnextmonth.Iamtryingnottocry，mylove，asItellyouhowbeautifulshelookstodayinherprettydressandredshinyshoes，sheremindsmesomuchofyouthatfirstdaywemet.Shehasherhaircutshortnow，justlikeyourswasallthoseyearsago.WhenImetheratthedoorhersmilewrappedaroundmelikeawarmglove，justlikeyoursusedtodo，mydarling

Iknowyouaretired，mydear，andImustletyougo.ButIloveyousomuchithurtstodoso

Aswegrewoldtogether，Iwouldteaseyouthatyouhadnotchangedsincewefirstmet.Butitistrue，mydarling.Idonotseethewrinklesandgreyhairthatotherpeoplesee.WhenIlookatyounow，Ionlyseeyoursweettenderlipsandyouthfulsparklingeyesaswesaticnexttothatsmallstream，andchasedeachotheraroundthatbigoldoaktree.Irememberwishingthosefirstfewdaystogetherwouldstforever.Doyourememberhowexcitingandwonderfulthosedayswere?

Imustgonow，mydarling.Ourchildrenarewaitingoutside.Theywanttosaygoodbyetoyou

Iwipethetearsawayfrommyeyesandbendmyfrailoldlegsdowntothefloor，sothatIcankneelbesideyou.Ileanclosetoyouandtakeholdofyourhandandkissyourtenderlipsfortheverysttime

Sleeppeacefullymydear

Iamsadthatyouhadtoleaveme，butpleasedon“tworry.Iamcontent，knowingIwillbewithyousoon.Iamtoooldandtooemptynowtolivemuchlongerwithoutyou

Iknowitwon“tbelongbeforewemeetagaininthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare

Goodbye，mydarlingwife

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